How did I end up in the situation that I am in? How did I end up not having my own place? How did I end up not being able to pay my bills? Is this the cause of trying to make more money? Because that's exactly what I did. I wanted to make more money to do the things that I wanted to do to make my life better. I wanted to get myself out of debt and start saving as much as I could so that I could one day start my own business. Now that every thing is so miserable and my life is so chaotic, I now question my decision and ask myself, "did I not put God first?" Is this the reason that all of this happened to me and happened so fast. I have always believed in God and I can't lie and say that I have always put him first because I haven't. Did I put my eyes on money and not on God? Did I believed more in my talent and my ability and not his? All of these questions I ask myself and I also ask God. Is this the reason why you put me in the situation that I am in? I use to tell myself that I didn't deserve to be in the situation that I am in because I have been a good person and always have looked out for others sometimes even before I looked out for myself. But then I have to face reality, I am not perfect and I have done wrong and I deserve to be punished just like everyone else. My sins are no more better than that of a person who has done wrong and did it intentionally. Am I hurt because of all this, of course I am and it has humbled me to see that I am not in control, but God is. I say to you this day God, I am sorry for all the sins I have committed and I ask that you forgive me. I apologize for all of the bad things that I have done to other people. I also apologize and ask that you forgive me for talking about people in a nasty way. I ask that you forgive me for having negative thoughts and mean thoughts about others. I ask that you forgive me for not allowing you to do as you will with me and I ask that you forgive me for not believing that you can create riches that my heart desire. Lord, I ask that you take my hand and lead me to the place that you want me to be and I ask that you put me in the place that you have for me. I could ask for this job and that job, but this time Lord, I am going to step out on faith and ask that you do as you will. My faith has not been as strong as it should be, but it has gotten stronger due to the places that you have taken me and I thank you for that. It has been difficult, but I must say that it has made me a better and more humble person, but most of all it has brought me closer to you and it has renewed my faith and for that I am thankful. If going through what I have been going through is the cost of being closer to you and renewing my faith, then it was well worth it and I truly thank you for it. I have never stop believing in you and I know that you know this, but I haven't been lifting you up like I should. So in this talk, I ask of you to do as you will and I will get in the passenger seat and let you drive. All I ask is that you give me strength to make it trough this journey that you have me on and while I am on this journey, if I happen to run into "good times" I ask that you give me strength to not forget what you have brought me through and not to forget to continue the journey with you as the driver and director. I ask that you not let me slack off, but rather push harder. Thank you for listening to me and thanks for all that you have done for me and like I said before please forgive me for not putting you first and not putting it all in your hands.
