Yesterday me and my wife were having a discussion about life and how things are. I started talking about how I was back in the day. I started telling her about how smooth and suave I was with the ladies. I didn't want her to get the wrong impression, so I told her that I didn't have a lot of women, I just had a few women who wanted to get with me because of the type of guy I was. I dressed nice, I was goal oriented and I treated women with nothing but respect. I didn't drink or smoke and I didn't have any kids. I was spiritual and valued life. All of these qualities made me a hot commodity. She looked at me and asked me, "so you thought you were the perfect guy huh?" I told her that I didn't think I was perfect, but I did think that I was close to it. She looked at me with this look that said yea right. I proceeded to tell her that I never proclaimed to be perfect nor will i ever claim to be, but I do strive for perfection. I don't think she got what I was saying so let me see if I can explain it a little better here.
When I was six years old, my mother passed away. My great grandmother raised me until I was sixteen and then she passed away. The two most important women in my life were gone before I graduated high school. This was a devastating for me. After my great grandmother passed I didn't want to go on with life anymore. I was lost and didn't know what to do. She was all I had and all that I knew. She was my best friend and I didn't realize it until she was gone. She was the one I confided in. I could talk to her about anything and she wouldn't tell anyone. We had conversations about life that know one, till this day, don't know about. The day after her funeral I sat in my room just thinking about what I was going to do with my life. I sat there for a while wishing I could talk to her and get her advice. I knew that she wouldn't lead me wrong. I was thinking so hard until I fell asleep. In my dream she spoke to me. She told me that had to keep going. She proceeded to tell me that she would be with me and to just do everything she had taught me. I was so happy to hear from her that I didn't know what to do. At that moment I told myself that I would treat every women that came into my life the same way I treated my great grandmother. I wanted to do this because it would remind me of her and I would get that same feeling that I got when she returned to me in my dream.
Every since that day, I have done just that. I have made sure that every woman I ran across was treated like a lady. I am not just talking about women that I was involved with or wanted to get involved with. I am talking about ALL women, even those that were married. If I saw a woman who needed help, I would help her. If I saw a woman that was down and out, I would buy her flowers. If I knew of a woman that needed financial assistance, I would provided it for her even if it was my last. I did this because it made me feel good. I did it because it reminded of my great grandmother and the promise I made to myself. I was determined to be a good man. I made sacrifices that I didn't have to make this happen. While all of this was happening, I didn't realize that I was preparing myself for marriage. I was grooming myself for my wife. When I realized this, I went at it harder. I started doing research on women and what they liked and disliked. I would sit and talk to all different types of women so that I could get a clear understanding of what women really wanted out of a man. My great grandmother always told me to be the best at what ever it was I was going to be. She told me that if I were going to be a drug dealer, to be the best at it (she really did tell me this-but she wasn't telling me to go a sell drugs). I took this to heart and whatever I did, I always gave it more than what was required. I took it upon myself to be the best man there was because my great grandmother told me to do so. And I also wanted to out do my father because, hell, I didn't even know who he was. I knew his name and had seem him a few times, but I didn't know him. So I made up in my mind that I was going to be a better man than he was.
All of these factors played a role in me becoming the man I am today. I don't proclaim to be perfect, but I work damn hard at being the best at whatever it is that I am doing. When I decided to get married, I had made up in my mind that I was going to be the best husband there is. I told myself that I was going to treat my wife better than any man had ever treated his wife. I think it's hard for my wife to grasp this because she probably hadn't run across a guy as determined as I am at just pleasing his woman. When I talk about the type of man I am, she sometimes think that I am patting myself on the back and sometimes I do but it's only because I work so DAMN hard at being the man that I am. That's like getting paid from work and not buying yourself any thing that you want. If you work hard for something you deserve the rewards for it. Now don't get me wrong, I don't go around talking about how great I am, but if it comes up, I express myself by saying, "yes I am that good, but I've worked very hard to get this way." I make it clear to everyone that I work hard to be the person I am.
I am not a conceited person and anyone that knows me know this. I am very giving and kind. I would give the shirt off my back and have done it a few times for a fellow man. I have always been a hard worker and will always be one. But I do take pride in what I do. If I work hard, I play hard. I don't brag, but if I do, it's because I had worked extra hard on whatever it is I am bragging about. I was told that it's a time and place for everything and I believe this. When God created this earth, it's said that on the seventh day, he rested. Even God sat back and said, I have done a great deal of work, let me sit back and chill and enjoy what I have created.
I am not perfect but that doesn't mean that I can't strive for perfection-K.J Swint
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