Today was one of those "in-between" days. I woke up with a headache and I didn't want to meditate. But like the dedicated person I am, I did it anyway. While I was meditating I just couldn't get focused. My mind was running wild with thoughts and I just couldn't get it together. I tried everything to get focused and it just wouldn't work. After my twenty-minutes were up, I noticed that I didn't have a headache anymore. Well, that was good, but I wanted that relaxed feeling that I had the previous times I meditated. Then I really started thinking about the meditation that I just had. Even though it didn't go like I wanted it to, there was something happening. While my mind was running crazy and I couldn't get it to relax, my body was still. I didn't move an inch. During the session, I had to relax several times because I noticed that I was tensing up as I was thinking, but I never moved. After I thought about this, I was amazed. I was amazed because when I tried to meditate months ago that was my biggest problem, I couldn't sit still. This moment let me know that progress is happening. When I tell you I was trying to focus so hard to get my mind to relax, that nothing else mattered, I was. My face was itching and I wanted to scratch it, but I refused to moved for I thought it would interfere with my session. It got so bad until I imagined myself scratching my face to see if that would work. I know that sounds crazy, but I forgot about my face itching and I didn't even scratch it after my session was over.
This session is just the session where most people would give up. They would say, "this sh*t doesn't work." And to be honest, I was that person. What we have to do is fight through what we think is bad and find the good about it. We have to tell ourselves that even though the session went bad at least I had a session. At least I was trying to better my life. Just think, if you can find some good in something that is bad, you are well on your way to having a happier life. I know it's hard to get over that hump, I will admit that but it has to be done. The only way that you are going to do it, is to face it head on. You can only run for so long. And it's better to force yourself to face it rather than having no other choice than to face it. Keep pushing. Keep meditating. If if feels like nothing is happening, just sit back and analyze yourself and I guarantee that you will see that even though you think it's not working, it actually is.
"When all is lost and the only thing you have is life, hope is somewhere near"-K.J Swint
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